As a high school student and track athlete, I believe that
allowing our children to participate in extracurricular activities is very important.
They can benefit a teen in so many ways. For instance, if it is a sport, a teenager will not only benefit physically, but also mentally. They will learn how
to push themselves mentally, to build more self-motivation and confidence. They
would also become more active, which is rare for teens nowadays due to the overuse
of technology, therefore making them healthier as well. However, if it is a
club, teens could generally benefit mentally because most clubs are
educational. Thus, they will be learning new techniques, ideas, or even new
topics that they don’t have the opportunity to learn in their classes. In fact,
extracurricular activities could even aid a teen’s social life. They would
meet new people, making new friends. This could affect a teen in many
different, but positive ways, in which would make them happier. Overall, teens
should be included in after school events because it could affect their whole high
school experience in general.
I used
Zinsser’s advice on mood changers, the proper use of “which”, and his advice on
sexism. For the mood changers, I made sure to use “however” at the beginning of
my sentence to inform the reader of a mood change right away. Though towards
the end of my paragraph, I used the proper form of “which” to further express
the affect after school activities on a teen’s overall attitude. Furthermore,
instead of using “he” or “she” in place for the sex of a teen, I used “them”
to avoid the sexism issue that Zinsser had discussed. In all, I followed
Zinsser’s advice on mood changers, the use of “which”, and the issue of sexism
to persuade my audience further.
